Alice Chauvin SWAMPQUEEN
2006-03-26 14:42:32 UTC
NOT RAISING HOGS
=A0TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C.
=A0Dear Sir,
=A0I have been evacuated from New Orleans because the flood took my
old=A0trailer and
=A0beat up my car. I thought I might go into business to supplement
my=A0welfare
=A0check.=A0=A0My friend over at Wells, Iowa received a check for $1,000
from the
=A0Government for not raising hogs.
=A0Right now I'm getting extra help from the government and Red Cross
while
=A0I'm=A0displaced but when that stops I want to go into the
"not-raising-hogs"
=A0business. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best
kind of
=A0farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not
to=A0raise? I
=A0want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all
governmental
=A0policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not
a=A0good
=A0breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires
or=A0Durocs.
=A0As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an
accurate
=A0inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
=A0My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the
business.=A0=A0He=A0has
=A0been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made
on them was
=A0$422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for
not
=A0raising=A0hogs.
=A0If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not
raising 100
=A0hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself
down to=A0about
=A04000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year.
Then I
=A0can=A0afford an airplane.
=A0Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat
100,000=A0bushels of
=A0corn. I understand that you also pay some farmers for not raising
corn and
=A0wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not
to
=A0feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?
=A0Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me
any
=A0information you have on that too. In view of these circumstances, you
=A0understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for
=A0unemployment=A0and food stamps.
=A0Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.
=A0Patriotically Yours,
=A0Mr. Smith
=A0P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free
=A0cheese?
=A0-----------------------------------------------------------------------=
---
--
=A0--
=A0
=A0
=A0
Swampqueen - Reine des Bayous!
LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULLER!
"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"
Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul.
I not only Believe in Miracles~I Rely on Them!=A0
CHER YOU GOT'A DANCE LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHIN' & LOVE LIKE IT AIN'T EVER
GONNA HURT WIT' MOJO & The Bayou Gypsies
http://www.redhotmojo.com/
=A0TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C.
=A0Dear Sir,
=A0I have been evacuated from New Orleans because the flood took my
old=A0trailer and
=A0beat up my car. I thought I might go into business to supplement
my=A0welfare
=A0check.=A0=A0My friend over at Wells, Iowa received a check for $1,000
from the
=A0Government for not raising hogs.
=A0Right now I'm getting extra help from the government and Red Cross
while
=A0I'm=A0displaced but when that stops I want to go into the
"not-raising-hogs"
=A0business. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best
kind of
=A0farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not
to=A0raise? I
=A0want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all
governmental
=A0policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not
a=A0good
=A0breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires
or=A0Durocs.
=A0As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an
accurate
=A0inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
=A0My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the
business.=A0=A0He=A0has
=A0been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made
on them was
=A0$422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for
not
=A0raising=A0hogs.
=A0If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not
raising 100
=A0hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself
down to=A0about
=A04000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year.
Then I
=A0can=A0afford an airplane.
=A0Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat
100,000=A0bushels of
=A0corn. I understand that you also pay some farmers for not raising
corn and
=A0wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not
to
=A0feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?
=A0Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me
any
=A0information you have on that too. In view of these circumstances, you
=A0understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for
=A0unemployment=A0and food stamps.
=A0Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.
=A0Patriotically Yours,
=A0Mr. Smith
=A0P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free
=A0cheese?
=A0-----------------------------------------------------------------------=
---
--
=A0--
=A0
=A0
=A0
Swampqueen - Reine des Bayous!
LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULLER!
"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"
Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul.
I not only Believe in Miracles~I Rely on Them!=A0
CHER YOU GOT'A DANCE LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHIN' & LOVE LIKE IT AIN'T EVER
GONNA HURT WIT' MOJO & The Bayou Gypsies
http://www.redhotmojo.com/